Tan Tan

Will and I made a video for Tanmaya. We were earth (moon)-heads, editing about it. Video: https://vimeo.com/66866752

KR$10 Plan me a City!

Kristen, a bachelor, can eat as much cereal as she wants. She has graduated.

5/9/13 Thursday 5:11

* Gave two tours to elementary schoolers. A couple of them drew dead Maus on the chalkboard, and s-chains/stars. I wonder if things like S-chains are passed through the generations on a purely elementary-aged level. One kid was calling another 

kid a "gay lord" and I told them I was gayer than either of them.

* Now I am waiting on a wall outside of Sage Bakehouse waiting to see if the 100% perfect person walks by.

5/8/13 I Wish it Would Rain

Big sculpture of Freud’s head that you could climb on, but it would spin you down. Freudian slip? That’s dumb.

At Grandpa Obie/Eileen/Ian’s, Milli was in Peru. It was pouring rain so I went outside and started flying, I thought it was just like a dream but knew it wasn’t because the sensations were so clear. I went back inside to share, wanting to fly again, but everyone was tense. They said we had to leave. I went to feed the cat but realized we should take her with us.

The glass jars I was putting leftovers into had multi-colored strings attached to them. Fruit was carved into the chairs in the kitchen and the walls were green. My grandparents asked me if I knew whether or not satan was coming, I said I knew the answer was in my wallet but as I pulled it out I was distracted by a parade of old men who said if I gave them my wallet I could be in their band. Also I was Harry Potter.

* Woke up at 11something

* Noah did Das-Racist-interview-analogue while I drew.

* Suddenly it was 5.

* Went to dad’s.

* Had beer, and “Jameson” that he made with cheap scotch and molasses.

* Played horseshoes.

* Went to Meow Wolf meeting. Trampoline and Jubes. Brandon had earrings that were THAT. His face was alight. Markus had given them to him.

* Good fundraising opportunities with Skatepark and gallery openings. Skateboards with shag carpet instead of grip-tape. Custom board painting. Light show at night. Depth-sensor-driven-bottle-rocket-launch. Etc.

* Grocery shopping. Blew my paycheck on avocados.

4/21/13 Damp

There was some concrete room filled with milky water and small bits of Glittery detritus. It was part of an experiment that I didn't understand and I had an inkling that that was because the science behind it was fake. In fact I don’t remember there being anything about the experiment other than the stagnant water.

4/20/13 D20

Music was drawing lines similar to my art.

I was changing an oscillator pitch with my brainwaves.

* Walked to work with mom and got lattes.

* Gave a tour to the person who had curated The Dissolve.

* Dad played the accordio

n doors and sang.

* Noah's art show was expertly flippant.

* Walked to Moon Rabbit, taking the long route to check if the 100% perfect person was walking as they sometimes do on Thursdays.

* Stopped in TA Lin for a treat, they didn't have deep-fried bean-paste/sesame Mochi balls.

* Will and I got groceries, went to his house, made stir-fry, drank beer, and played Legos with The Genny.

* My spaceship had all kinds of hinges and a dragon that lit a pot-leaf made of Lego palm-fronds in honor of 4/20.

4/19/13 Deer Parade

* Walked to work.

* Gave Mungo Thompson's parents a tour. Glad I got to do that because I’m a big Mungo fan and have thought deeply about puns to make when discussing his work.

* Picked Will up. His dad had gone to California in a private jet flown in by Apple. He had specified it wasn't an emergency and not to have anyone over except Hirshey and the general (in other words not me).

* Will and I went to Tune up. At the end of our meal his dad called and he ignored, thinking it was probably to announce that his brother was dead.

* As we left he started crying. I held him. I asked if he wanted to go back to his house or I go for a walk, he said he wanted to go to the show.

* The show was good. Nice to see old friends doing stuff and playing their instruments well.

* Will and I sat in his driveway, blasting Rancheras, a procession of deer walked past us.

4/14/13 Blood Temple

I watched as someone stabbed themselves in the right temple, I was the person stabbing myself in the right temple. Lots of blood.

4/12/13 Teen Bear

* After leaving the parking lot (similar to where Mike shot me in the throat), we went to buy supplies for our camping trip. I sat in a red canvas-chair that was too expensive and looked for a miniature soccer ball. The smallest one I found was $80. When I went back, walking through the dry wilderness to find the sparse and disorganized shelf with the soccer balls, I felt threatened, my senses heightened. A light brown bear came at me from the left, eyes huge, and began clawing and biting me. Aware of it as if from above I tried to use my energy to calm it down, but I was startled and it would not let up. I could tell it was a juvenile bear and wondered if its mother would come to defend it. I ran away. Next shot I was staring at my leg, all scratched and bloodied.

* At work I told Breanne about the dream, and she said animals usually have important messages for us. My first instinct is to think it has to do with love, maybe romance. Weird that it would show up in this way though, these are things that have not been part of my conscious life for like half a year. But then again maybe it’s because of this numbness that a teen-bear would bite me, wide eyed.

* We had one guest and Deborah, Breanne and I talked about our various animal dreams. I told them about my two spirit animal dreams, one about the white/bright pink owl at Mills, and one about the big white dog with the crown in Australia.

* When work was out I probably hung out with Will and drank. Was this the night we had pesto? Maybe it was the night we hung out with Hirshey and I taught them how to make enchiladas with “vacho” a natural vegan-sauce I invented that happens to taste like nacho cheeze. At Hirshey’s I danced, realized it may disturb the neighbors and said: “I'm gonna send the bounce down to the neighbors.” We also sang a lot. That “Damn damn damn” meme has got to be made an allusion of for my vegan cooking show.

4/10/13 Fundraise-Zine

* Worked all day at Moon Rabbit again. Mental exhaustion from organizing so much stuff.

* Trader Joe’s after work for a six-pack for Deyla and I.

* Deyla came over and we had a great convo. I’m proud of her for what she is doing with her life, and what a selfless person and good listener she has become.

* Drove to Meow fundraising Meeting, late and at sunset, listening to “Without You My Life Would be Boring” on repeat.

* Drank the rest of mine and Deyla’s beers in a go cup and spouted my ideas. “Fundrai-Zine” “Future Estate Sale” (as in the estates of those not yet deceased) and “Selling concepts.” I also volunteered to silk-screen shirts and offer my culinary skills for a fancy dinner.

* Home, cold, dead fire, roasted vegetables and salad. A bath.

* Wrote my two year plan and sent it to grandma.

4/8/13 Moon Rabbit, Indie Band

* Woke up early, fed the kitty, cleaned the house, lifted weights, filled out my timecard, and danced to “Without You my Life Would be Boring.”

* Sewage was leaking from the ceiling of Moon Rabbit Toys, so Will, Hirshey, The Genny, and I moved the store. Afterward the owner, Shawna, bought us all beer.

* Will and I showed our twee indie band impersonation to mom and Noah. Noah started making us a poster. We decided to be called: “Them.”

* Recorded another indie album, this time with an out-of-tune acoustic guitar and a lot of gin.

4/3/13 Better Days

* Cole was stoked that Apple Miner Colony had just been written about in the Guardian. Of my trumpet solo they said: "the mourning Last Postish trumpet solo on Cerrilos, an album highlight, has more than a shade of Neutral Milk Hotel about it. "

* Ran into everyone, namely Chris, and he bought coffee for us when I discovered I had left my wallet in my jacket.

* Cole and I wrote him a poem and made him some minimalist art.

* Took Cole back to Corvas’ they were going to the mountains to do mushrooms, and giggle for days about how Skippio (sic) (You can write sic in your own diary if you don’t know the Roman spelling of some antiquated general name)had beaten Hannibal and then been told he was the world 2nd greatest general.

* Teresa came over and we went to the 70’s time-capsule house.

* We got caught and left. Later I got a voicemail that she had gone to Gerald's house (the guy that caught us) to apologize and ended up watching American Idol with him and his son.

ARTMOM

My mom gave birth to me illegally. She trusted herself over the hospital so I was born in a small rental in Ventura, my placenta buried under an orange tree in the backyard. When I went to California for college we stopped by the house and the tree had doubled in size.

Mom's (spaghetti) head as served by mom's hands.

I was raised to trust myself, with no limitation on who I might become. My mom has said that the day before I was born she felt a presence and after I was born she realized that presence was me. She has always been a great listener and her psychic ties to my brother and I have only deepened in the absence of umbilical chords.

Aunt Heather on Left, Kiddo mom in center.

I have a lot of reasons to brag about having a cool mom. She was a punk who ran "The Hungry Parasite" cafe and was a budding classic film scholar. My brother and I recently found out that she used to longboard everywhere, adding to her history of cool points.

One of my mom's studies of a rusty pan, on a huge canvas.

When she was younger my mom would cook and clean for her little sister and my grandma who was a working single parent. My mom has always been a nurturing force, taking in many of mine and my brother's friends. Recently, one supremely cool musician kid who is homeless right now has been staying with us. My mom says: "I wish that I had enough energy and money to take in all of the homeless kids, give them beds and dinner, and then breakfast in the morning." She wants to create a program for homeless teens that is partially run by the kids themselves.

Every day around 4:00PM my mom has a guttural instinct to ponder dinner (including a vegan option). In a recent facebook post she mentioned her favorite cooking blog (Thug Kitchen): "This is my favorite blog. I don't need his fucking recipes, because I fucking cook like this every fucking night. I just thought I'd share this shit with you."

 (pic of fam @ my gradu8sion. Dad behind camera)

One of the recent badass things my mom has done is to write "Fuck the Police" in a fancy script over our fireplace.

My mom lives her life as art, and is also an artist by trade. Dropping out of high school and then Jr. College because they were so moronic, my mom later built her business with the fearlessness, and nurturing creativity that define her.

For mother's day my mom made my grandma a mix saying: "Her mind will be blown, if she can stand to listen to it. The title is: ARTMOM. I made it for her to listen to while she works in her dark room. It's her job to swallow quietly, smile sweetly, and tell me how much she enjoyed all the weird shit that I love so much and tried to share with her. But maybe she'll really like it!"  Lucky for me my mom is the ARTMOM.

4/2/13 Thunderous Sparks

* Woke up hungover.

* Made a salad + coffee and went to meet Feather.

* Feather had just been sexually harassed so that was our main topic of conversation, other than that her life sucks, and she wants to curate a house show with me. 

* Cole called so I went and swept him off his feet.

* Made salads all around and more coffee. As we ate outside and I became sunburnt Cole went on about what a bomb-ass-dank-ass (BADA) salad it was. 

* Stormy sky, Jeff Mangum nigh, (Jefferson Nigh Mangum) - thunderous sparks from the dark of the stadium. 

* Cleaned the house. 

* Worked on music for a hot minute.

* Will came over as I was making cilantro-potato soup with mushrooms.

* Took a nap.

* Golden hour with dark clouds and soup.

* Gin in a flask, jazz in the car, running into Bond and Tere. I was thrilled to see Bond. 

* Jessie wasn’t. She said: “Kristen and I both just saw our ex-boyfriends.” Chris Johnson was working merch. Kristen had a nice creme shirt and was drinking a cocktail. 

* The opening band was awful. I left to pee and Lauren asked how they were. I said: “really good” Lauren's friend was the only one who caught my sarcasm.

* As Jeff Mangum opened with 'Oh Comely' Cole and I squeezed hands. 

* People came to claim their seats and I went back to mine, in the third row on the left. A teen girl sang and we left for empty seats in the first row. 

* By the end of the show we all crowded by the stage. Mangum played Aeroplane for his encore and the audience moved as one. I was front and center, swaying with Will and Cole.

3/31/13 Grandma Cake, Easter, Fertility, Vietnam

* Mom got Noah and I Kakawa chocolate. Dark cherry-chile. She also made potatoes with green AND red chile. 

* Walked to work after mom went to Keiko’s for Lia's baby-shower. 

* Grandma Cake + Frank came in and I gave them a tour for 2 hours. Much of the time grandma was giving me information, rather than the reverse. G-Ma had a lot to say about the Vietnam-pieces and I asked her if she had ever protested Vietnam. She said she was pregnant with my mom at the time and that ended up being the reason my grandpa was able to dodge the draft. They had known each other for 4 months. She said she was afraid the world was going to end, afraid to be having a kid, and  afraid of bringing a child into a world that might end. Abortion wasn’t legal at the time, but grandma mentioned that she wouldn’t have gotten one if it was. I wondered if a right I believe in had been legal if I wouldn’t exist. But of course I wouldn’t have to worry about it if I didn’t exist. 

3/30/13 Outta SITE

* Dreamed of a huge horse-cow that was in a small driveway-barn. I was trying to get past it/ befriend it and it plowed into me. I didn't know how to control it.

* Walked to work. Chatted and did tai chi with Bea, which made the end of my 7 hour day go by more quickly. 

* As we were leaving I said: "outta SITE!"

3/20/13 Wednesday

* Woke up at 6:45 to meet heather at 7:15.

* Heather got there at 7:30, froze my cyst, and gave me an ethnically-diverse fairy bandage.

* Slept for a few more hours. The house smelled lovely. 

* Had a muffin.

St. Pattie's: Tacos y Tequila

* Walked to work.

* Cold and windy outside. I danced to Los Oliveros by Oliver Nelson and had a great time. Dave Mcpherson offered to give me a ride.

* Will and Hirshey picked me up and we got supplies for Tacos y Tequila - St. Pattie's day. 

* We drank in an abandoned amphitheater, drove up the mountain, and drank on the mountain.

* Drank more and made tacos.

* Went home and to bed, probably too late.

3/16/13 Happy Beerday

* Dreamed I was watching a supernova in blues and reds over the mountains from dad's backyard. Spy intrigue around some characters - a blond woman walking - don't really remember. 

* Woke up late and made coffee/spaghetti on toast. Teresa came over to borrow eye-drops. 

* Made caramelized onions, mushrooms, roasted zucchini, and fried eggplant to go on sandwiches with basil cashew creme and bell pepper sauce with a BADA salad. 

* Heather (aunt) and the skittels (children) came over, Ella made me a cute card. Alex brought a twelve pack of beer in a backpack on a bike and Deyla brought a bottle of gin. I made martinis and Yuè came through the backdoor with a 7-Up cake that said: "Bday Emil." My family came, followed by Ryan, Winter, and Hoku, all of whom brought beer. Winter also gave me a picture of her aunt and a condom.

Camera was drunk

* We listened to jazz, feasted, chatted, and continued to drink. Sophisticated. Ryan made me one of his cool Jacob's ladder wallets which I showed off the rest of the night. I drank the big bottle of Ryan's favorite beer which monks had brewed for me. 

* Some neighbors came in with beer and joined us for cake. When Crocket and Sandra arrived I showed off my mural. The last to come were The General, Kirstiann and Brittain. We had a mini-dance party, drank some of the beer they had brought, and finally retired. It was a great party, and the first time in known history a whole facebook RSVP list has shown up. 

3/15/13

* Dreamed that I was floating around in, or as space, dark with lights around.

* Dad got me three vegan doughnuts with candles and coffee, and took the traditional cell-phone photo of me blowing out the candles. 

3/14/13 Pre-Birth

Worked the front desk at SITE. Mom texted to wish me a happy day-before-my-birthday - promoted by her remembering the time right before I was born, and feeling my presence even though she didn't know me yet.